"Honesty is the best policy", seems to have been lost on our society today. We do not seem to find it in our politician, our communities, our relationships or even to ourselves. We have been encouraged to be politically correct, not to make waves, consider others and take the high road. All are somewhat good things to remember, however, when you are not being true to yourself where does that leave you?
In my work with clients, I have discovered that most of us feel that in our personal and professional lives we are playing the role of a peace maker. We are afraid to speak our minds for fear of the back lash. Fear is the number one motivator in our lives. We will do things, say things, put up with abuse and accept things simple because we are afraid. If the devil we know versus the devil we don't. As people are very willing to say, "put up or shut up" so...we shut up. The other thing that many people do in long term relationships, is to say, "I pick my battles." So we put up with rudeness, inconsideration, less than and sometimes hateful attitudes from those we love because we want to keep the peace.
All of this behavior and dishonesty is harmful to our well being. It takes a huge toll. We lose a little more of ourselves every time we bury our feelings and just get on with it. Do you find yourself doing this? Do you get a little sick at your stomach every time you do it? Are you suffering from headaches, pains in your back or shoulders? Their is a definite connection between the mind, body and spirit. I add spirit because I believe even if we are not conscious of our dishonesty...it effect our health.
Now, you are probably thinking, "I can't be honest about everything, every thought that pops in my head!" You do not have to tell someone that their hair looks horrible since they colored it. You do not have to be mean or hateful. But if you someone tells you that they are going to do something for you that you are depending on and they don't do it...what are you going to do? Are you going to let it go...do it yourself and spend the rest of the day angry and upset? Why not simple let the person know that you are disappointed and that you are faith in them that they would follow through. Be honest. Ask yourself "what is the worst thing that can happen?"
We need to hold people accountable. Even the people we love need to know that we respect ourselves enough to speak up. Do not let yourself be put in second place. Put yourself first and others will treat you with respect. If you act like you do not matter, that is exactly what you will get.
In my next blog, I will expand on this thought of putting yourself when I talk about the misconceptions about selfishness.