How's your personal vision?
Pennick Family Therapy - "a place for change"
RSS

Recent Posts

Ten Reasons You Should Not Get Married
Unloving Mothers
Creativity to Reduce Stress & Heal
How to Talk to Someone Who is Depressed
How's your personal vision?

Categories

addiction
Anger management
Coaching
Counseling Services
Family Therapy
Grief
Healthcare
marriage, relationship
Mental Health
parenting
Therapy
powered by

My Blog

How's your personal vision?


Recent national and world events have created many heated discussions on social media and the news.  As I listened and read these I noted the similarities between the arguments of politicians and those of my clients in their relationships.  I believe those discussions are based on personal vision or perceptions.  Let me give you an example that I use often with my clients.  Imagine yourself on a dock watching a ship sail off in the distance.  You watch as it disappears and remark to your friend standing next you that “it’s gone!”  To your amazement your friends looking through binoculars says, “No, it’s right there!  I can see it very clearly!”  Who’s right? Think about that for a moment.

Do you wonder sometimes why someone close to you sees things completely different and no matter what you try to do you are unable to convince them they are wrong?  When this happens to you do you question your relationship because they refuse to see things your way?  I have heard people often say, “oh, he just likes being difficult!”  How does this happen?

Let’s go back to your view as you look out at the ocean watching the ship sail away.  What is the lens you’re looking through?  Why does the friend’s view different so greatly?  The friend is looking through their own lens.  Our lens is made up of our perception of the world which is developed through our experiences, our knowledge of world and our expectation.  A lens is always evolving and is adjusted, just like the lens on a camera or binoculars.  When you think about the standing with our friend debating whether the ship is gone or not, who’s right?  Based on your personal vison you are both right.

So how do your resolve disagreements, make decisions and get along in relationships when you both are looking through a different lens.   How can two people obverse the same object, subject or even a fact and begin to develop a cohesive vision? 

Every relationship has conflict and disagreements because despite the regard we have for another, we are still an individual with her own lens to the world.  If you both believe what you are seeing through your own lens, the way to resolve the conflict is to evaluate the quality of your lens.  Ask yourself if what you are seeing is a fact or is your belief based on a distortion.  Often the distortion is based on beliefs you may no longer want to maintain.  For example; you have the belief you partner is spending too much time with friends and not enough time with you.  You get angry when your partner goes out with friends in the evenings or the weekends.  You believe you are not good enough and your partner does not want to spend time with you.  Ask yourself if this belief is valid.  You have failed to realize you are lonely and you haven’t expressed your needs to your partner.  What do you think your partner would say if you voiced your needs and concerns, versus expressing anger and feeling badly about yourself? If you express your needs openly and honestly with your partner with increase your level of intimacy.

Another way to increase intimacy and improve communication while resolving conflict is to consider the lens your partner is viewing  through.  This is not a way to judge or bring up the past to your partner; however, it is a way for you to evaluate and value the vision your partner presents.  Let’s go back to the example above, your partner goes out with friends some evenings and weekends.  Think about what experiences, knowledge and expectations your partner bases their perception on.  How did they grow up?  What does going out with friends offer to them?  What do they say about the time they spend with friends?

Listening is always a very important part of communication and resolving conflict; however, you must do more than just listen.  You must assess your perception and bias as you listen.  Are you allowing your view of the world, your relationship or of yourself to be clouded by distorted beliefs?  If you are having problems determining why there is constant conflict in your relationship think about seeking both individual and couples therapy.  A professional therapist can help you discover the source of your beliefs and help you to develop a new perspective to help you improve your relationships and your self esteem.

 

 

 

 


13 Comments to How's your personal vision?:

Comments RSS
Stephen on Wednesday, December 23, 2015 8:47 AM
This lens help for birding as well. Just a quick note to tell you that I have a passion for the topic "Lens issue" at hand. Thanks and hope people would like this site for those information.
Reply to comment


Zentiz on Saturday, January 16, 2016 3:04 AM
Lens help for birding too. Only a brisk note to let you know that I have an enthusiasm for the point "Lens issue" within reach. Much appreciated and seek individuals might want this site after those data. Thanks!
Reply to comment


Essay on Tuesday, July 26, 2016 11:54 PM
Wonderful site and I wanted to post a note to let you know, ""Good job""! I’m glad I found this blog. Brilliant and wonderful job ! Your blog site has presented me most of the strategies which I like.
Reply to comment


John on Monday, August 08, 2016 5:18 AM
One thing impressed me more than other that's "You must do more than just listen". It's so much true. You described some issue confidently which I admire. However, Lens, as well as Binocular or Spotting scope are helpful for birding. Thanks for the speeches.
Reply to comment


tonsil Stones Symptoms on Saturday, September 16, 2017 7:46 AM
tonsil stone is the most annoying medical hoax, but in reality they are causing real problem in many people
Reply to comment


Mobdro not working on Monday, October 16, 2017 3:50 AM
Mobdro app has come out to be one of the most liked entertainment applications in the world of video streaming
Reply to comment


happy new year 2018 Images on Saturday, November 18, 2017 6:52 AM
is the way you choose to wish your companions, family or peers
Reply to comment


Safari Windows on Monday, November 27, 2017 7:15 AM
Safari has many features that make it the best web browser
Reply to comment


Julia on Friday, December 29, 2017 8:55 AM
The ideas and the work behind this will pay off so much. I am happy to see your blog. You did a great job and thanks for sharing. custom retail boxes packaging
Reply to comment


savitar cosplay on Tuesday, May 29, 2018 8:50 AM
Amazing work you have done.
Reply to comment


buy replica watches on Saturday, July 14, 2018 12:35 PM
They can maintain their lives by using this type of offers that are very beneficial for them.
Reply to comment


Replica Rolex Watches on Monday, July 16, 2018 6:12 AM
It could prove to be an inspiration for many other entrepreneurs.
Reply to comment


https://showboxsave.com/ on Thursday, July 19, 2018 12:20 AM
Hey friends if you want best website to watch the latest movies online then must try my link.
Reply to comment

Add a Comment

Your Name:
Email Address: (Required)
Website:
Comment:
Make your text bigger, bold, italic and more with HTML tags. We'll show you how.
Post Comment