Ten Reasons You Should Not Get Married
1. If you want someone to make you happy until death do you part. Yes, I know this goes against what we have always been told about the marital union. However, if you are not happy with yourself, someone else will not make you happy. You are responsible for your own happiness.
2. Do not get married simply because you are lonely. Many people hear that when you take your marital vows you become one. You expect the other person to spend every free moment with you, liking everything you enjoy and filling your needs for constant companionship. In a marriage it is important to be self differentiated. You need to let your partner be themselves and still enjoy the things they did before marriage. You are still individuals and you have different interests. If you give up yourself and change you will grow to resent your partner.
3. Many times we think that we will find someone who will take care of us financially. Women get caught in this thinking. If you feel you need someone to take care of you financially you may be in for a rude awakening. With the high cost of living it often takes two incomes and staying home with children may not be realistic.
4. Feeling badly about yourself and needing validation because you have low self esteem can be a drain on a relationship. Work to build up yourself before you get into a marriage and believe you worth loving.
5. You see all your friends getting married and love the idea of the big wedding, etc. This is often a way many young couples get into a marriage that is doomed from the start. A marriage is more than a wedding ceremony, flowers and a beautiful gown. It takes work, commitment and learning to be okay with conflict.
6. Another of those unfortunate reasons many couples get married is the pressure they feel from their families. Being told you "should" get married because you are living together, getting older or any other of a million reasons are not helpful to the relationship. We have to be able to consider what we want and need before we take the step towards walking down the aisle. It isn't about what others think about your relationship.
7. You really want to have children and you feel time is running out. Maybe all your friends are married or again, you are feeling pressured to give your parents grandchildren. Don't use the desire for children or family to make a commitment that you don't feel you are ready for.
8. After leaving another relationship or divorce you may be vulnerable to trying to recover in quickly by getting into another relationship and jumping into a marriage. Take the time you need to recover, discover why the former relationship didn't work and work on yourself before you get involved again.
9. There are many single parents who struggle with the responsibility of a child or children. They look for a partner to help them raise their family and think that having another parent will be helpful, good for the child or children and give them the two parent home. However, often this is a disaster. Consider whether you are ready to let someone else parent your children and how they may have a completely different view of how to parent. Wait until you have a strong foundation of understanding before moving into marriage.
10. If you are struggling emotionally due to grief, loss or any feeling of being overwhelmed and are looking to be rescued, please stop before letting yourself fall into a marriage. For your partner the feeling of being the hero may work in the beginning but resentment will build when they feel you are stuck in your emotional turmoil.
All of these reasons for not getting married can be helped with individual, couples and premarital therapy. Consider the cost of divorce, therapy is a much better option.