How do you heal a broken
relationship? How do you trust, again,
after someone cheats? How do you
reconnect after so many years of living with distance between you?
These are a few of my many questions that I hear from clients
who are trying to repair their relationships.
Unfortunately, most people wait until they are ready to divorce or leave
a relationship before they decide to seek couple’s therapy. At this point they have one foot out the door
and are saying “Let’s give it one more chance.
Are you stuck
in a rut? Getting stuck is inevitable
but staying there is not. There are all
kinds of ways we can get stuck; exercise slump, relationship rut, career
stalemate, or an overall mental funk. Do
any of those sound familiar? There are
traps that we fall into that stall us and threaten to flat line our progress.
some helpful tips for getting unstuck and avoid the mistakes that sabotage your
- Start over –when we begin a new change we are enthusiastic
and we start to see dramatic changes; however, once we get comfortable we let
up on our drive.
The subject of baseball may seem odd for a blog subject on a
Marriage and Family Therapy website. However, baseball has been on my mind the last week because our Kansas
City Royals were playing in the World Series. My husband and I lived in Kansas City for about ten years and attend all
the Royals games we could. That included
the 1985 season when they were last in the World Series. Last night our Royals lost to the San Francisco
Giants. So are they losers? Do you feel that you lose in your
relationships or are you always the winner?
aware of your choices? So often in my
practice, it is apparent that many times clients are not aware of their
choices. I think so often we accept a
situation because it has become the normal behavior and we feel that we have
loss our power to make changes. This is
especially true with child abuse victims.
If you have never had a voice in your life because someone took it away
at a young age, it is difficult to be aware that you have a choice to make your
“I have a dream.” Martin Luther King made that beautiful speech which inspired millions at
the time, and continues to inspire millions today. Do you have a dream? I ask my clients about their goals for therapy
and most often they can list at least three or four things they want to fix in
their lives. They usually start with all
the things that are wrong, what they do wrong or what someone else does to
them. However, when I ask them the
simple question, “Do you have a dream?
Why is it
that some people take life’s small setbacks, slights and missteps with a shrug,
while other freak out, blow up, or fly off with loud outbursts or seething silence? To
only fairly recently scientist did not recognize this as being significant to
As it turns
out, just as life’s more challenging events can flood the bloodstream with
stress hormones, even the smallest of hassles can take a toll on our health as
well. According to Nancy Nicolson,
Ph.D., an associate professor of psychiatry and psychology at Maastricht
University, in the Netherlands, “The changes are small – a 10 to 15 percent
increase in cortisol levels in response to typical daily annoyances, as opposed
to a 100 percent or more increase during a very stressful event,” like a
What does a healthy life look like? Do you have a healthy life? This month’s theme is “Health” and with all
the current concerns about epidemics, international conflicts, the economy and
just the daily stressors of home and family maintaining a “healthy life” can be
a challenge. My definition of a “healthy
life” may be different from yours. I
look at having a healthy life as having a healthy body, mind and spirit. I further believe that to achieve a healthy
life, you need a healthy attitude, healthy family, healthy marriage and skills
to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
Every month I have picked a theme to cover and this month the theme is close to my heart. It is Resilience. How resilient are
you? Do you know how to describe resilience?
Resilience (or resiliency) is our ability to adapt
and bounce back when things don't go as we planned. Resilient people don't
wallow or dwell on failures; they acknowledge the situation, learn from their
mistakes, and then move forward. We all
have resilient people in our lives and we hear ourselves saying, “I don’t know
how she/he keeps going with all the heartaches, disappointments, setbacks and
One of the most frequently asked questions I hear is “How do
I change my ….?” You can fill in the
blank with anything from spouse, child, life, behavior to marriage. Everyone reports that there is some area of
their life that isn’t working and they say they want change. Unfortunately, the issues become difficult
when they learn that to have change they must become uncomfortable.
Change is a constant. Some
changes we go through are small; some are more of the "crisis"
Recent tragic events in the news have made people begin to
discuss the way they conduct their lives, and what happens when things go
terrible wrong. Hearing about children
left in unattended in hot cars with deadly consequences, our first thought is
how could someone do that to a child? How could a parent forget their child? It is naturally to want to place blame because it is easier to
understand if the person who did it is a monster. If they were a horrible parent, it means that
someone like you would never be able to do something so awful.